I have gone to several churches over the past couple of years to share and some churches I walk into feels like home. I feel like people there are excited for me to be there and truly care for me even thought they haven’t gotten to know me yet. There is a sense of love from the people and I instantly feel like family. The opposite is unfortunately true as well. Some churches I visit, I know the people there are great, but I feel awkward and uncomfortable when I walk in and I immediately feel like an outsider. I know that in both cases the people love me and are happy for me to be there, but I am perplexed at the two completely different feelings. I have come to find out that the vibe is all about the environment that has been cultivated by the church. I recently heard a pastor say that when he was in bible college, he was visiting churches and ended up in this one particular church. He sat down and a few minuets later, a woman told him that he was sitting in her family’s seats. As you can imagine, this left a bad taste in his mouth and he quickly realized that the environment was not one that he would fit into or feel comfortable in. A negative and discouraging church environment cultivation does not only happen in our churches, but also in our small groups, work places, and anywhere else that people gather. We have all felt out of place at some point and time and know the emotions that come with feeling that way. So, I would like to talk about the importance of creating and cultivating a family environment within our groups. As I thought about my experiences with gathering, two things came to my mind right away that aid in cultivating a family environment.
The first is language. I believe that words are deep. We see all throughout scripture to guard our mouths because our tongues cannot be tamed. There is an emphasis on this because words can build up and tear down others easily. The language we use in our groups is VERY important. Now understand, I do not want us all to speak from a script in our groups- that would just be weird! But, I do believe that being aware of the words that we use will go a long way in creating a family environment. As I have traveled and visited, I have found that the words that have meant the most to me are words of comfort. In our group, we are very intentional at welcoming people and letting them know that this home is their home, that we are thankful that they are with us, and being intentional about introducing them to others in the group so they do not only have a relationship with me. (This is vital because we must make sure that the facilitator is not who all the relationships in the group are built around.) These kinds of words very quickly make someone feel valued and welcomed and will go a long way in bringing genuine relationship. Think about when you visit your grandparents. They are very quick to welcome you and speak lovingly. Talk to people like this! The second is asking questions. As humans, we enjoy talking about ourselves…well at least I do! When we ask questions, we show people that they are valued and we allow them to feel comfortable. Also, this is the absolute best way to get to know someone and how you can pray for them! Remember, family knows their family members. They know their joys, they jobs, and their struggles. Asking about another person is best done one on one, not ten on one! Remember with questions, language matters! These two things are a great start to cultivating a family environment in our groups, but we cannot forget that if we are not praying for these potential people then we will not have a heart for them when they come. Prayer creates a genuine love for our new family members before they even enter into our homes. 1 John 3:1 tells us that we are all now children of God. Lets start praying for our brothers and sisters and allowing them to experience family with us! Small groups are where relationships are built and where we love, connect, grow, and GO!
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I love my small group (Purpose Group)! We meet every Tuesday at 6pm and it is my favorite night of the week! Not because I get to see friends, but because I get to see my family! I know what you’re asking yourself, “He’s from Ohio. What family does he have here?” Well, that is true. I have no biological family here in the South, yet my small group (Purpose Group) has become Sarah’s family and mine! There is an old cliché that says family comes in all shapes and sizes and that is especially true here. We are all from different places, cultures, and economic backgrounds, but we all love each other and get to grow deeper in our relationships with Jesus together. As a family, we seek Christ and serve Him and it is amazing! In my ministry, I have found that many millennia’s are seeking this same dynamic. They are seeking to be loved and part of a family. As we know, there has been a huge burst in divorce and non-traditional family structure in the last 30 years and this has created a hunger for family. With the increasing number of transplants (people like me moving from where they are from to a new place) this need for family is growing! As the church, we have a huge part to play in being a family to our community. Small groups (Purpose Groups) are a place where we can do more than gather as friends, but where we can create an environment of Christ like family love.
In Acts 3, we see that daily members of the body were meeting together, breaking bread together, and caring for each other’s needs. Does this remind you of anything? If your family comes to mind, you are correct! The idea of family is not only a needed piece of our small groups, but it is biblical. Now, how do we do this? Well, it all begins with a love for Christ that is so great that your heart desires to love people. Loving people is more than saying the words but includes sacrifice; time, emotions, and even finances at times. We must be willing to become spiritual dads, moms, and brothers and sisters to our groups to treat them as Christ has treated us- giving Himself for us! Over the next few months I want to discuss in more detail how we create family within our groups and defeat the mentality that all we seek is community. Community only implies closeness geographically. We must seek closeness with our entire lives, emotions, and selves. Praying for you all and I am excited to take this journey with you!! |